This is the sad story of Mr Credit Crunch.
Mr Credit Crunch lived in a little cottage in Commuter Town, while he had renovations done to his manor house, to put in an extra bedroom for his dog’s hairdresser and a botanical garden.
Not any more! Mr Shit, the bailiff came to take the house away from him.
Poor old Mr Credit Crunch.
He used to set his alarm for 4.30 a.m. in the morning every day so he could drive his Ferrari to the big city with his Blackberry.
Not any more! Because now he doesn’t have a car or a Blackberry or a desk to go to.
And I don’t think he’s going to need an alarm clock these days, do you?
Every morning for breakfast he used to have a large bowl of- you’ve guessed it!- cereal and amphetamines.
Not any more! Now he stretches one foot out of his sleeping bag and takes a huge slug of fresh air.
And do you know what?
It tastes a whole lot sweeter.
Because the story of Mr Credit Crunch is really not so sad after all.
You see, even though Mr Credit Crunch slept in silk pyjamas he didn’t have any friends.
He was too busy watching the markets to go to market.
He was more interested in the gentrification of the town than in its people.
He thought they smelt of manure and were stupid because they didn’t know where the Maldives were.
What a funny fellow!
But without a job to go to Mr Credit Crunch has all the time in the world to get to know his neighbours.
It turns out they all thought he was a bit of a tosser.
Now, though, they get along just fine.
There’s Mr Trust Fund. He’s very affable and doesn’t mind being tapped for a bite of lunch.
Next door to him lives Little Miss Gold Digger although, strangely, she hasn’t been quite so friendly since Mr Credit Crunch started sleeping in the church hall.
Then there’s Mr Retired. Gosh, Mr Credit Crunch can while away an entire afternoon listening to him.
Nowadays, Mr Credit Crunch is feeling rather hopeful about the future and wonders who needs to live in a silly old house anyway.
He dreams of working for a non-profit one day and doing his own composting.
He suspects that being broke might just bring him closer to the meaning of life and make him a better Mr Man.
So if you ever bump into Mr Credit Crunch you know what to say to him, don’t you?
‘Please can I have a coffee to go?!’