The Boss


Bruno: What’s on this week, Mummypenny?

Me: Nursery every morning, house stuff, bath-time.

Monday’s a big day for you: home for an early nap, then a ten-pin bowling birthday party.

Bruno: OK. Have you bought a present for that?

Me: Yes, I have.

Bruno: Good. Will a car be picking me up?

Me: No, we’ll take the underground.

Bruno: Fine. Bring a Mr. Man book so I can catch up on some reading.

How about Tuesday?

Me: I need you to make and sign some cards after breakfast- a couple of birthday ones and a get well one.

Bruno: Do I really need to do those? Couldn’t you do some daubing and I’ll sign my name?

Me: I suppose so but…

Bruno: Please do, I’ve got too much on.

What about Wednesday? Do I have a meeting?

Me: Actually, Wednesday I’d like you to come food shopping with me. I know it’s boring but it has to be done.

Bruno: I don’t think that’s a sensible use of my time.

I find it tedious and I don’t think you require my contribution.

Me: Not if you run away all the time, no.

Perhaps I’ll sort something out.

Bruno: Do it.

Thursday- will I have a playdate?

Me: You have two. I double-booked by mistake.

Bruno: Who is it?

Me: Harry at the Park Club or the little boy you met down the playground.

Bruno: Cancel the kid.

The Park Club’s nice- I’ll need to look smart.

Bob the Builder- no, strike that- the t-shirt with the guitar on.

Make sure it’s ironed.

Me: Ironed?

Bruno: Yes, is that a problem?

Me: No, it’s just…

Bruno: Solutions, Mummy.

Me: Yes, I’m sorry.

Bruno: What about the family? Do I have any time built in to see them this week?

Me: Not yet. But it would be nice to catch up with Auntie Adele in Bulgaria.

Bruno: Conference call it. Use the internet rates.

And I’d like to see Mole. Diary her for Friday.

Me: There isn’t a slot for that. You’re seeing the doctor in the afternoon.

Bruno: I’ll drop my nap then.

Me: Bruno…

Bruno: I don’t need 12 hours plus a siesta. Sir Alan grabs 4.

And why can’t the doctor come to me? Never mind.

Dinner on Friday- I’d like it on my lap; 3rd and Bird are on.

Me: You know, it’s better for your digestion to eat at the table.

Bruno: Goddamit, it’s a long week. I need some down time.

What did you have in mind- flashcards?

Me: No, I just thought…

Bruno: Well, don’t think. I don’t need you for that.

Tell me about the week-end.

Me: Ah, I was wondering…

Bruno: Yes?

Me: Can I have the morning off on Saturday?

Bruno: Again? Something special?

Me: No, just a few hours to sleep in.

Bruno: Fine. I’ll watch Shrek and eat bananas.

But if my nose is snotty you’ll need to wipe it. It’s in your contract.

Me: Of course.

Bruno: And one last thing… can you send some flowers to Violet?

Me: Bruno, she’s very young…

Bruno: Please, this is personal. Don’t let it interfere with the rest of our business.

Me: Very well. Is that everything?

Bruno: Yes. Thank you, Mummy.

I’ll have a ginger tea and a cuddle and you can get on with some admin.


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