Bruno: What’s on this week, Mummypenny?
Me: Nursery every morning, house stuff, bath-time.
Monday’s a big day for you: home for an early nap, then a ten-pin bowling birthday party.
Bruno: OK. Have you bought a present for that?
Me: Yes, I have.
Bruno: Good. Will a car be picking me up?
Me: No, we’ll take the underground.
Bruno: Fine. Bring a Mr. Man book so I can catch up on some reading.
How about Tuesday?
Me: I need you to make and sign some cards after breakfast- a couple of birthday ones and a get well one.
Bruno: Do I really need to do those? Couldn’t you do some daubing and I’ll sign my name?
Me: I suppose so but…
Bruno: Please do, I’ve got too much on.
What about Wednesday? Do I have a meeting?
Me: Actually, Wednesday I’d like you to come food shopping with me. I know it’s boring but it has to be done.
Bruno: I don’t think that’s a sensible use of my time.
I find it tedious and I don’t think you require my contribution.
Me: Not if you run away all the time, no.
Perhaps I’ll sort something out.
Bruno: Do it.
Thursday- will I have a playdate?
Me: You have two. I double-booked by mistake.
Bruno: Who is it?
Me: Harry at the Park Club or the little boy you met down the playground.
Bruno: Cancel the kid.
The Park Club’s nice- I’ll need to look smart.
Bob the Builder- no, strike that- the t-shirt with the guitar on.
Make sure it’s ironed.
Bruno: Yes, is that a problem?
Me: No, it’s just…
Bruno: Solutions, Mummy.
Me: Yes, I’m sorry.
Bruno: What about the family? Do I have any time built in to see them this week?
Me: Not yet. But it would be nice to catch up with Auntie Adele in Bulgaria.
Bruno: Conference call it. Use the internet rates.
And I’d like to see Mole. Diary her for Friday.
Me: There isn’t a slot for that. You’re seeing the doctor in the afternoon.
Bruno: I’ll drop my nap then.
Bruno: I don’t need 12 hours plus a siesta. Sir Alan grabs 4.
And why can’t the doctor come to me? Never mind.
Dinner on Friday- I’d like it on my lap; 3rd and Bird are on.
Me: You know, it’s better for your digestion to eat at the table.
Bruno: Goddamit, it’s a long week. I need some down time.
What did you have in mind- flashcards?
Me: No, I just thought…
Bruno: Well, don’t think. I don’t need you for that.
Tell me about the week-end.
Me: Ah, I was wondering…
Me: Can I have the morning off on Saturday?
Bruno: Again? Something special?
Me: No, just a few hours to sleep in.
Bruno: Fine. I’ll watch Shrek and eat bananas.
But if my nose is snotty you’ll need to wipe it. It’s in your contract.
Me: Of course.
Bruno: And one last thing… can you send some flowers to Violet?
Me: Bruno, she’s very young…
Bruno: Please, this is personal. Don’t let it interfere with the rest of our business.
Me: Very well. Is that everything?
Bruno: Yes. Thank you, Mummy.
I’ll have a ginger tea and a cuddle and you can get on with some admin.