Rule Britannia


Today’s blog comes wrapped in a Union Jack made out of something like rubber, because it’s British and silly.

It has been lifted in its entirety from last week’s Friday edition of that great London institution the Evening Standard and is everything that is brilliantly absurd about this country.

It recounts an incident of dastardly foul-play involving a protector of the Royal Family, reported by one perfectly named Benedict Moore-Bridger…

A bearskin with a sore head loses his cool with joker tourist.

A guard outside St. James’s Palace attacked a tourist who was copying his distinctive marching actions, it was revealed today.

The Queen’s Guardsman, who is supposed never to leave his post unless there is a threat to a member of the royal family, was provoked into lunging at tourist Nick Ibarra, clipping him around the head and aiming a kick at him.

It is understood the guard now faces the prospect of a dressing down from his superiors.

The attack was captured on film by the 23-year-old’s friend Suzanne Cadosch. When the Colombian student began mimicking the guard he lost his cool and went for Mr Ibarra.

Mr Ibarra, who is studying English at Oxford University, also claims he was pushed away by the guard, who used his SA-80 semi-automatic rifle while letting out a furious roar.

Ms Cadosch stopped filming as she was so frightened. ‘I felt this huge hand on my collar and managed to avoid a boot up the backside but he was growling like a bear,’ he said. ‘I was worried because he had a bayonet on his gun and didn’t want that going somewhere painful. He pushed me away with the gun and I just ran for it.’

The guardsman, who is with the 1st Battalion of the Scots Guards of the Guards Division, was on sentry duty. Clarence House where Prince Chalres lives is within St. James’s environs.

Ms Cadosch said, ‘I just thought ‘Oh my God, he’s got a gun and he’s going for Nick’. He grabbed him and tried to boot him.

‘You often see people pulling faces at the guards and marching along with them but obviously this solder didn’t find it funny. In hindsight I can understand the soldier losing his cool but it was very frightening.’

A fellow guard said: ‘You can understand him wanting to put a hobnailed size 12 up the guy’s backside. But he will be in hot water for losing his cool when he should have ignored it.’

A spokesman for the Ministry of Defence said it would try to identify the guardsman and ‘speak to him about his behaviour’.


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