1. The intensity of your frustration at finding an item missing on the shelf in the supermarket is in direct proportion to the likelihood that it will materialise.
If you stare incredulously for a good length of time at the space, there is nothing that will not reveal itself- particularly a missing packet of fresh herbs.
2. The embellishments you add to wishing someone a happy birthday have a direct effect on exactly how happy that birthday will be.
If you repeat the ‘happy’ twice, for example, or underline it or even draw a balloon next to it, the day of the celebrant will be tangibly more joyful.
3. The sending out of Christmas cards cancels out the goodwill for which they are purposed.
The stamps cost dozens of pounds, it takes a very long time indeed to write the envelopes and the seeking out of the missing addresses is an unwelcome expenditure of energy.
However, this very set of unpromising conditions means that people who send Christmas cards are technically better than people who don’t and so stand a greater chance of getting into Heaven.
4. When you try on clothes in the mirror, you won’t know if they look good unless you pull your optimum, most fanciable face, which is the one you would prefer to be captured in every photograph.
If you don’t pull it, you will have no idea how the outfit is going to work and may as well get dressed in the dark.
5. The accumulated hours of one’s life spent over the deliberation/analysis of the significance of the presence/absence of a kiss at the end of an email/text message initiated/received, do not represent a waste of time.
Its placement (the ‘x’) is relevant for the reason that if bandied about indiscriminately it would lose its meaning but if universally with-held the world would be a colder/drier place.