Gordon and Marcus: they love each other really

Gordon: I knew you’d be down here at 3 in the morning, shagging a rum baba.

Marcus: You read Waitrose magazine then?

Gordon: Ballsy choice for a mutiny that, you ungrateful, sniveling shit whippet.

I taught you every fucking swear word you know.

Marcus: Well, I think you’re a big, nasty bully and now everyone in Berkshire knows it.

And when nice Mr. Michelen sees how well I press my whites I’m going to get another shiny gold star, so there.

Gordon: You’re a piece of out-of-date, tinned, processed, smoked cheese embedded with a child’s fingernail, left on a motorway Little Chef toilet seat.

Marcus: You’re that wobbly jelly bit of the chicken carcass, next to the knuckly, bloody, bony bit.

Gordon: You’re the deep-fried oozing mayonnaise puss on a KFC Tower Burger, that’s really a rat’s brain tumour.

Marcus: You’re the sweaty scotch egg left in the polythene bag next to the radiator, that the family remember when they get to Magaluf.

Only you’re the egg when they come home 2 weeks later.

Gordon: You’re the warm breakfast muffin in an airline meal.

Marcus: You’re the festering liquid mass fermenting in the stomach of the passenger who just ate it.

Gordon: You’re a Pizza Hut salad.

Marcus: Your toad-in-the-hole isn’t as good as Marco Pierre White’s.

……………… Gordon?

Gordon: You’re a mean little fucker, you know that?

Marcus: Yes chef, sorry chef.

Gordon: Will you co-host Britain Sucks Cooking Cock with me?

Marcus: Yes chef. Of course, chef.



Filed under Conversations, Hungry Mumbo

3 responses to “Gordon and Marcus: they love each other really

  1. I’d go on that programme. But I’d probably get Worrall effing Thompson. I met him once. Vile dwarf.

  2. Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

  3. sophiestout1

    Thank you, Alex. Je suis d’accord, tbnil.

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