Interviewer: What quality is most important to you, in a person?

Interviewee: Integrity.

Do you value that above kindness and honesty?

Interviewee: I value absence of it above any other quality in tipping a person off my friend list.

Apart from on Facebook, where Hitler could be my buddy, if he sent through a request.

Interviewer: Hitler is dead.

Interviewee: I realize that. I was using him for illustrative purposes. I don’t suppose he would ask me. And if he did, I don’t suppose I would accept.

Unless I went to school with him and he found me through ‘Friend Finder’ and I didn’t realize he was the Fuhrer and just remembered him in shorts.

But I think we’re straying from the subject here. I didn’t expect this interview to have Nazi overtones.

Interviewer: Indeed. Let’s have a look at the dictionary definition. I’ve got one here.

Interviewee: Have you? You’re a good journalist.

Interviewer: I try.

O.K, it says, ‘an unimpaired or unmarred condition; soundness; an uncompromising adherence to a code of moral, artistic or other values; utter sincerity, honesty and candor; avoidance of deception, expediency, artificiality or shallowness of any kind; the quality or state of being complete or undivided; material, spiritual or aesthetic wholeness; organic unity’

Does any of that resonate with you?

Luckily, yes. It would be embarrassing if I had actually meant something different.

Interviewer: Embarrassing for you, yes.

Interviewee: I like soundness and I particularly dislike expediency. I think I’d like to leave out all the moral code and utter sincerity stuff.

Can you do that with a definition, like you can with religion?

Interviewer: You can’t do that with religion, actually.

Interviewee: Well, telling lies and being consistently two-faced is perfectly acceptable, of course. A criminal with integrity, for example, is a beautiful thing.

Take Robin Hood.

Interviewer: I don’t want him. And he’s a fictional character.

Interviewee: Gosh, you really are quite literal.

Anyway, it’s about having a point of view that’s not too mercurial- that doesn’t constantly adapt in order to prioritise one’s own agenda. A general sort of trustworthiness.

Interviewer: Do you have anything funny to say about it?

Interviewee: No, I don’t. Talking about things like this makes me earnest and quite humourless.

Interviewer: Never mind. This has been vaguely interesting anyway.

Interviewee: Oh, good. Help yourself to a Borders biscuit before you leave.



Filed under Conversations, Mumbo Obsessions

3 responses to “Integrity

  1. Can the interviewer come and interview me please? I’d like to use words like integrity, expediency and mercurial and know what they mean. If the interviewer has a dictionary we could look them up together.

    We could go on a big-word date. It’d be a beautiful thing.

  2. sophiestout1

    That should be arranged, tbnil- the interviewer loves using that dictionary. But you’d have to bring a map to educate him on geography…

  3. No worries. I can do that. For the love of a man with a big thick book, I’d do (almost) anything.

    My goegraphy is pretty good – in fact my number one party trick is knowing the capital city of any country you dare to throw at me.

    My second party trick is knowing the real names of airports.

    My third party trick is proving that I’m less boring than this would make me sound / appear.

    I don’t get invited to many parties.

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