The Darwins hatch their evil plan

John: Tell you what, we’re skint as you like.

Anne: How come? Where’s the money gone?

John: Luxury dog biscuits. Told you they’d be just as chuffed with the ones from Kwik Save.

Anne: What are we going to do?

John: You could get a job down’t cheese shop.

Anne: Sod off. I’m entering my twilight years. I should be parked on’t sofa eating After Eights in front of Corrie.

John: Rob a bank?

Anne: Don’t be daft. You wouldn’t even rob your gran when she broke her specs.

John: Fake my death, emotionally devastate our sons and flee to Central America with the insurance money.

Anne: Do you know what you are?

John: Go on.

Anne: A dunderhead with criminal pretensions.

John: Alright, don’t get your BHS undies in a twist.

Anne: The same one I fell in love with at Blackhall Rocks over a bread and dripping sarnie in the Summer of 1975.

It’s a cracking idea! What are we waitin’ on?

John: You not bothered about Mark and Anthony?

Anne: Come on, they can take a joke. Anthony’s bedded down in Basingstoke- he’s no stranger to humiliation.

I’ll push you off a cliff.

John: Hold up, love. Maybe I could get a cab and do some week-end shifts in Stockton-on Tees.

Anne: So you can have your 60th with a half pint of lager top down the Dog and Ferret? I don’t think so. I want to be suppin’ on cuba libras, me.

John: You’d have to act all upset, like you missed me.

Anne: Aye, well, I’ll just have to pretend the dogs have passed on.

Reckon we’ll drown you.

John: Eh?

Anne: That should do it. I always said I was a canoe widow. Let’s cash it in.

John: Crikey, if you say so, Anne.

Anne: You bet your flat cap, I do. Grab a bottle of Blue Nun and we’ll make a list.

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3 Comments

Filed under Conversations

3 responses to “The Darwins hatch their evil plan

  1. Imaginary conversations of (in)famous people. I love it.

    When we saw Tom and Nicole (as was, back in the day) down the pub playing pool, we had a great time thinking of the conversation that led to them being there.

    clap clap.

    And the Darwins?!? Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

  2. OK, now I’m reading more and more of this and I’m realising that you’re actually a fruit loop. How did you find me? Are you the one sat outside my front door in that car with engine idling all day?…..I hope so.

  3. sophiestout1

    The fruit loop reference and my name are cohorting rather too regularly in the same sentence. If this carries on I’m going to have to release the hippo in my basement and give some thought to therapy.
    I found you through Post of the Week. Floating around in new blogdom I am over the moon to recognise some kindred spirits- sort of like exchanging smiles with the other souls waiting to be seen at the STD clinic.
    Now I’m wondering if the friends who nominated us are really staging an intervention. If so, I’ll rev the engine, you can pop down and we’ll go and hide in a farmhouse outside Paris.

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