This is overwhelming. Feel completely overwhelmed.
There are choices on menus. But menus are conceptual.
As much about hope as hunger.
Here you can have it all. It’s excessive.
Got to be at least 10 tables joined together there, just to lay it out.
Would a member of staff intervene if someone went crazy?
‘I’m sorry, sir. I have to stop you there.’
‘But it’s self-service. That means there’s no limits.’
‘I’m sorry sir. It’s come from the top. Twenty five croissants…’
‘Yes, go on, say it.’
‘Well, there are other guests.’
‘There are other hotels too, Sonny-Jim. Move aside.’
How do they get those jam stains out of the white linen every day?
What a job. Glad that’s not my job.
Buffets come close. But the repertoire of a hotel breakfast- nothing compares.
Something for a Swiss mountaineer and a lorry driver.
Hot, cold, dried, fresh, sweet, savoury.
Cereals, fruit compotes, smoked fish, cinnamon dainties.
Next to baked blood.
All at the same meal. Sometimes on the same plate. All before 9 am.
Have to make the most of it. Company’s paying.
Got to think of my ulcer.
Need some criteria. English? Continental? What looks best? What’s seasonal?
This is terrifically difficult.
The eggs alone, dear God. Lots of lifestyle tied up with eggs.
Don’t think it’s going to be a poached egg kind of day. Mostly going to be with Susan from accounts.
Is that an omelette chef? A whole chef with a hat, dedicated to flipping omelettes?
Must be exceptional, those omelettes. I’d be stupid not to have one of those.
But cake. Cake for breakfast. Can’t get away with that at home.
Maybe I should start with something to drink. Coffee smells lovely.
Hot milk. No, cream.
Hello! A wooden box filled with exciting-flavoured tea!
Can’t think when I’d next get to try Eucalyptus.
Maybe juice. Freshly squeezed- you can’t beat that.
Orange is classic but grapefruit’s left-field. Maybe mix them together and have half and half.
Wait, where did that porridge come from? That wasn’t here before. That’s not fair.
Haven’t factored that in at all. Won’t be room for that.
Feel nauseous. Need to lie-down.
That’s what I’ll have.
A decaf Nescafe sachet.