J.Lo’s nanny interview

J.Lo: Hello. I’m Jenny. You can call me Jen.

Nanny: Thank you. Hello.

J.Lo: Please don’t look me in the eye.

Nanny: OK.

J.Lo: You’re here to interview for the job of nanny to my twinnies so I’m going to ask you a few questions. Did you prefer me in Out of Sight or Maid in Manhattan?

Nanny: Out of Sight worked better because George Clooney looked like he could handle you whereas it seemed to me you could probably eat Ralph Fiennes for breakfast.

J.Lo: Breakfast? What’s that? That was a joke. You can laugh. Of course I eat breakfast. Don’t repeat that.

So once a month I get a limo down to the Bronx to spend time in my old neighbourhood. I let my Mom sit in the car and drink Evian water.

Nanny: That’s nice.

J.Lo: I think so. It takes about 45 minutes. That’s a lifetime in this business so I’d like you to stand by the car and when people pass by say, ‘I think J. Lo’s in that limo. Can you believe it?’

Be creative. You don’t have to say that.

Nanny: OK.

J.Lo: I’ve got a couple hundred exes floating around. They must never be mentioned in this house. Sean Combs, in particular, is a touchy subject.

Nanny: Puff Daddy?

J.Lo: Exactly. Make sure the twinnies never go to Marc Anthony and ask him if he wants to smoke. You see what a minefield it is?

Nanny: Yes, I do.

J.Lo: Do you think I should concentrate on singing, acting, dancing, modeling, record and television producing, my fashion line, my perfume, my reality show or being a Mom?

Nanny: Your fashion line, definitely. I like your floppy hat and hot pants combination very much.

J.Lo: Thank you. I design for curves. I’m Latina.

Nanny: Yes, I know.

J.Lo: That reminds me, are you willing to leave anonymous hate messages on the answerphones of Gloria Estefan and Mariah Carey?

Nanny: Yes. I wouldn’t bother with Gloria though. Maybe Shakira.

J.Lo: Make a note of that, guys. But this interview shouldn’t be all about me. How selfish! What do you think of Oprah Winfrey?

Nanny: I think she’s America’s African Queen.

J.Lo: Then I want you to look after my twinnies. Welcome.

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