Dear Cubika,
People complain when men objectify women. Do you think they would care if I sexualize an object?
Because I feel the need to say you are one hot piece of equipment.
You were a risk to me. You looked good. I didn’t know if I could handle you. Pump, milk frother, plug business: I knew there [...]
Entries from May 2008
May 30, 2008
To my espresso machine
May 29, 2008
Addict
You can’t spend time in Seattle and ignore The Bean.
Coffee shops were already thriving there when Starbucks opened its first outlet in 1971 and other chains and independents have been opening up at a terrific rate ever since- presumably to try to make amends.
There are now over 600 of the buggers: that’s 2 and ½ [...]
May 27, 2008
J.Lo’s nanny interview
J.Lo: Hello. I’m Jenny. You can call me Jen.
Nanny: Thank you. Hello.
J.Lo: Please don’t look me in the eye.
Nanny: OK.
J.Lo: You’re here to interview for the job of nanny to my twinnies so I’m going to ask you a few questions. Did you prefer me in Out of Sight or Maid in Manhattan?
Nanny: Out of [...]
May 23, 2008
On this street where I live
I have walked slowly, run fast, cycled drunk
and sat on the pavement
Bumped into friends, laughed with strangers, screamed at a rat
and cried on the phone
Played football, blown bubbles, earned parking tickets
and posted bags of mail
Watched a bomb disposal team, engaged in road rage
and witnessed a car accident
Viewed a flat, visited a school, invited myself into [...]
May 21, 2008
Katie Cruise and her yum yums
Rumour has it that, in an attempt to waste away, Mrs. Cruise has started to engage in bizarre eating rituals, like eating toast with a knife and fork.
When she was still on Dawsons Creek it is reasonable to assume she studied the Big Girls in their hit movies to see at which directors she should [...]
May 20, 2008
Businessman
Last night I had a power dream.
I was a businessman riding rough-shod over the city of New York.
I was trampling over the feelings of thousands of city workers and all the while I had this sick megalomaniacal feeling of dominance, like the more I took advantage of their good natures the more successful I was [...]
May 19, 2008
Anatomy of a song: Dolly
Yesterday, from out of nowhere, I was brutally possessed by a Country and Western-loving demon.
It wanted me to listen to Islands in the Stream by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.
It was relentless. I was not allowed to rest.
It finally had its way when my lovely friend downloaded the track and delivered it in a cab [...]
May 16, 2008
Eating Tiramisu
With butterfly anticipation I venture down a glowing passageway where sparks of light bounce off the walls.
As I get closer I see that they are being thrown off an oval convex stainless steel door at the end; it releases in a controlled motion with just the gentlest push.
As soon as I am through, it is [...]
May 15, 2008
Conversation overheard between 2 Peacocks in Holland Park
1: What are you doing here? I work this patch.
2: There’s room for two. Stop ruffling your feathers.
1: I give best tail. Go and hang out in the car park.
2: The kids are loving me. I’m staying.
1: Ah, but I’m getting photographed by the Japanese.
Peacock 2 turns and looks at Peacock 1.
2: Have you put [...]
